I’ve been on my knees since I was 5.
In the chapel,
in a bedroom,
in an alley late at night.
Always facing an inflated
godlike
version of some guy.
But as a girl you do what you need to survive.
You open wider, take the body.
Thank your father, you’ve been naughty.
2 Hail Marys, 20 lashings.
“I’ve been sent to punish you for daring to exist.
You will never know a love as meaningful as this.”
I’ve memorized
the lines
since I was 10.
From the Bible,
from the playbook,
from the magazines for men.
If you should mess it up, you’ll start again.
But, still, they only want
the women
they condemn.
I think that I’d have too much fun in hell.
With the pagans
and the hedonists
and sapphics there as well.
Purgatory seems the better fit
I can’t stand waiting in the corner,
but I do love being hit.
There’s not a torture you can prescribe
that I wouldn’t find
a way to like.
Every single second I’m alive
I’m sharpening an axe I’d like to grind.
“I was sent to punish you
for the way I was designed.
You will never know a love
that you fear more than mine.”
- “God Fear a Woman” 2023
I wish that I was better, for the kids who emulate.
but they should really all know better,
than to take the fucking bait
that I’ve been dangling from this building
with my goosebumps in the cold.
I am nothing but a story for a man until I’m sold.
and he can tell it in the lobby, to the old men at the bar
they’ll all clink his cup
and make shit up.
to take it all too far,
they’ll tell a lie about the summer
where they “once had me alone”
and I’ll reside inside a sonnet.
I’m a picture in a phone.
I’ve aged beyond the angel they all saw inside me then.
a grotesque and fading memory
trapped underneath a pen.
“MPDG” 2023
“girlboss.” “malewife.” “Meowth! that’s right!”
if yall could stop legally watching these Disney live-action remakes that only exist to ride off nostalgia and zero originality so we can move past this disastrous cinema era to the new generation of stories that would be great
How wild is it that every version of you probably exists still, somewhere, in someone’s memory? The messy you, crying on the floor exists still in your mind. The happy, sun-soaked you, exists in your best friend’s memory. No part of you has died, all parts of us exist always, simultaneously and hidden.
to everyone who is losing things like concerts and senior proms and commencements and brunches they’d had planned forever and literally anything they’ve been looking forward to i’m sorry. i really am. it sucks and i’m sure there will be people in your life who will tell you to get over it because others have it worse right now and while it may be true that others have it worse that doesn’t make your pain, disappointment, or sadness any less real or valid. keep your head up.
my sister’s wedding was just cancelled by the venue. when I told one of my friends how upset she was and how heartbroken we all were to have worked and planned so much, she just said “well, it’s good.”
i understand that there is illness and people at risk, but the callousness of it shocked me, just as she was unmoved by my other sister being sent home her senior year, losing her research job, putting all the cells in the freezer, three years of work, her thesis, graduation -
“oh, everyone is doing that.”
your loss is valid. god and even if you are hearing about someone’s “inconsequential” thing they loved - a concert, a brunch - you don’t know if that’s the thing they’ve been sticking around for or not. so just like fucking chill and be kind: it hurts for everyone, in different ways. you aren’t being selfish for losing something you loved.
I was literally just saying to my mom yesterday that I’m disappointed all of our Easter plans have been canceled. It may not have been much, but they were our plans and I was looking forward to them.
It sucks when things get cancelled. Please stop trying to turn this into some weird competition where you can’t feel disappointed, sad or hurt unless you have it the very worst of everyone. No one comes out looking good when that happens.
I love having nights where I literally say “I should have kms in high school”
I need to get actual help when I go home, it’s not even funny anymore how much I’m spiraling
may your heart grow as free and lovely as wildflowers 💐
50 Horror Films Directed by Women
Because it’s always nice to remember women in horror. In no particular order.
- Near Dark (1987) dir. Kathryn Bigelow
- The Babadook (2014) dir. Jennifer Kent
- Raw (2016) dir. Julia Ducournau
- Pet Sematary (1989) dir. Mary Lambert
- American Psycho (2000) dir. Mary Harron
- Ghostwatch (1992) dir. Lesley Manning
- A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night (2014) dir. Ana Lily Amirpour
- American Mary (2012) dir. Jen & Sylvia Soska
- The Slumber Party Massacre (1982) dir. Amy Holden Jones
- Revenge (2017) dir. Coralie Fargeat
- Trouble Every Day (2001) dir. Claire Denis
- Prevenge (2016) dir. Alice Lowe
- The Lure (2015) dir. Agnieszka Smoczynska
- The Voices (2014) dir. Marjane Satrapi
- Jennifer’s Body (2009) dir. Karyn Kusama
- The Love Witch (2016) Anna Biller
- Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992) dir. Fran Rubel Kuzui
- Another Me (2013) dir. Isabel Coixet
- Carrie (2013) dir. Kimberly Peirce
- The Hitch-Hiker (1953) dir. Ida Lupino
- Goodnight Mommy (2014) dir. Veronika Franz & Severin Fiala
- Boxing Helena (1993) dir. Jennifer Lynch
- High Life (2018) dir. Claire Denis
- Helter Skelter (2012) dir. Mika Ninagawa
- The Invitation (2015) dir. Karyn Kusama
- Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991) dir. Rachel Talalay
- Dead Hooker in a Trunk (2009) dri. Jen & Sylvia Soska
- Blood Bath (1966) dir. Stephanie Rothman
- Mirror Mirror (1990) dir. Marina Sargenti
- Organ (1996) dir. Kei Fujiwara
- XX (2017) dir. Jovanka Vuckovic, Karyn Kusama, St. Vincent, Roxanne Benjamin
- Blood Diner (1987) dir. Jackie Kong
- The Moth Diaries (2011) dir. Mary Harron
- The Bad Batch (2016) dir. Ana Lily Amirpour
- Slumber Party Massacre II (1987) dir. Deborah Brock
- Ravenous (1999) dir. Antonia Bird
- Silent House (2011) dir. Laura Lau & Chris Kentis
- Humanoids from the Deep (1980) dir. Barbara Peeters
- After.Life (2009) dir. Agnieszka Wojtowicz-Vosloo
- See No Evil 2 (2014) dir. Jen & Sylvia Soska
- Kiss of the Damned (2012) dir. Xan Cassavetes
- Urban Legends: Bloody Mary (2005) dir. Mary Lambert
- Office Killer (1997) dir. Cindy Sherman
- The Bye Bye Man (2017) dir. Stacy Title
- Blood and Donuts (1995) dir. Holly Dale
- A Night to Disremember (1983) dir. Doris Wishman
- In My Skin (2002) dir. Marina de Van
- Honeymoon (2014) dir. Leigh Janiak
- Pathogen (2006) dir. Emily Hagins
- The Countess (2009) dir. Julie Delpy
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